Get Out of the Way

Are we standing in our own way? Are we blocking our blessings? What do we think this world is going to do for us? I have recently begun to sit still for about 10 or 20 minutes a day and then when I am done I write a list of what was running through my head. It has been enlightening. If you are wondering where I got that idea, I want to claim it as my own but one of my therapist friends explained that the mind is a powerful thing and that we need to listen to it some times. We are too busy trying to figure out our next move. So I digress....once you write it down for a week go back and read it. Those things that are reoccurring, you need to address those.

For me it was my spirituality, my financial situation, and my health. I think that this had been at the front of mind for a long time but I am the Queen of procrastination and can find a reason to put off most things. But it has not served me well at all. So onward and upward. 

I have gotten away from things that I love so I am slowly getting back to me and that is a good feeling. The last month has allow me some valuable insight. It is funny what will happen when you let go and let God. We serious effect the effectiveness of our blessings. We tend to be more consumed about acquiring things then fulfilling our purpose here.  What is even more upsetting is when you know what you are called to do but doing it seems so far out of your reach, But is it really? OR are you just not willing to step out of your comfort zone. That was my answer so what to do? GET OUT of the WAY of your blessings and take a chance on God's vision for you. 

I am blessed to be connected to all the right people and know enough people accomplish what I want. So that is what I am working on. But to get there I literally had to GET OUT of my own WAY. There is a time when you have to realize that we can be our own worst enemy and that we have to stop sabotaging ourselves. So that is what I am requiring of myself and maybe you can require of yourself. 

God makes no mistakes so we were all placed here for a reason. We all have something we are supposed to leave this world with. So lets make our positive mark on this planet. Whatever that means for you! 

So take that 10 to 20 minutes of stillness, every day for a week. Every day, write down what was in your mind for that time. After a week review what you have written and then ask yourself....what do I need to change and what do I need to focus on. And you can repeat it as often as you choose. It is helpful when you are looking to focus or refocus your next move. 

That being said... I have some things I need to do. So working on those now and I going into the New Year working on some great ideas. Some are goals from years ago that have never been completed but are still goals and other are new. But this is what I was put here to do.... So lets go...I am on my way now that I have gotten OUT of my own WAY! 

So........Move! 

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I Came, I Messed Up, I Learned! #imdone

I am far from perfect. I have done a lot in my life that I am not proud of. But with age comes wisdom. I have come up short in a lot of areas, even in my friendships. In the end I have learned from the past and have made strides to make up for my wrong, for my missteps, my lies, my faults. And by the grace of God I have emerged a better person. I had a conversation with my brother-in-law yesterday that made so much sense. He said, "We all mess up. Owning your mess and getting up from it is what shows our growth", I will be forty in a couple of years and that conversation allowed for a cathartic and epiphanic moment where this is what I took from it...

I cannot change how anyone feels about me. Especially if I do not know what I did to incite their disdain. If I leave here tomorrow there are people who will care and there are those who will not. No matter what you do for someone they still will find a reason to dislike you. Everyone does not what to see you win. Happiness is not dependent on other people but dependent on how you let other effect you.

So in the end ... I live today for me and if I am blessed to see tomorrow, I’ll live tomorrow for me also. My God will handle the rest. #imdone

Hold on to those Who hold on to You!

Some things just do not need to be said! Most do not deserve a response. And then there are those that do not deserve repeating.

We all have that person in our lives that we tell everything to and then there are those that we know we cannot tell anything to. The older I get the more I learn that there are just some things that do not need to be said or repeated.

I am no longer 17 or 20 or even 35 years old... so why put energy into what he or she said about you? I am a pretty good judge of character and I can say that I know who I can trust with what information and those who are simply smiling in my face. I know those who sit in closed doors and talk about me like a dog and then tell people that I suck at what I do and then tell me to my face that I am great at what I do. I am not oblivious. But these are the people you pray for and allow God to work on them. God said He would make your enemies your footstools. So just wait on Him to intervene.

Now that I am almost 40 (2.5 years to go) I can count those I truly trust on ONE hand and I still have fingers left. Sad but true. So when I hear songs like "No New Friends" I have to laugh because without my New Friends, I might not have any friends at all.

So after 30 something years of interacting with the world I can say that I have made some substantial connections. I know a lot of people. However I do not call all of those people friend. There are that group that have transcended the friend stage and have become like family (F.A.M) and the know who they are and they have always treated me in kind.

So in the end the lesson I have learned and I now pass on to others is that everyone who enters your life is not meant to stay. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to be called friend. There are those who you just hangout with and there are those who you travel with. Then there are those you know will be there when you fall, when you fail, and your forget! The last group is the group you hold on to!

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Chasing Life

What if you had lost your father and had to deal with a troubled sister, a young grandmother,and a mother who was failing at keeping it all together. Oh yeah on top of all that you just found out that you have Cancer. This is the premise for the new show Chasing Life, on ABC Family. Today I watched the sneak peek of the show and it made me think....what am I doing with my life?

There is so much that I want to do in the life and as I watched this show about a 24 year old woman I stay still and introspective as a 30 something woman who has not done what she wanted to do in life because she has been taking care of everyone else and has allowed life to pass her by. So now in the later part of her 30s she is trying to make sure that she lives the life that God has made available to her.

That book I want to write is within my power to write.
That trip that I want to take is within my power to take.
That man that I want is within my power to have.
That happiness that I deserve is within my power to have.
BUT HOW...and WHEN...will this process start????

Well the answer is now. I am going to start Chasing Life. In some ways I have already started and I will continue making decisions for MY well being. So in the event that I die tomorrow... I can say that I lived my life. Life is definitely worth chasing and it was made for living.

There is something in life that should make all of us want to chase it!
If you cannot think of anything you might want to rethink how you are living. You are definitely missing out!

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Friendship Is A Two Way Street

Friendship has always been important to me. As an Air force Brat I cherish my connections with those who I call friend. Those connections were fractured by the inevitable move that loomed on the horizon. Because of that I made sure to enjoy the moments that I shared with those I call friend. And I still do.

Now in my late 30's I see that most do not understand what true friendship is about. I was taught that you are to be the friend to others that you want them to be to you. Well that is what I have always done. But apparently that is not what everyone else believes.

Today's definition of friendship revolves around what someone else can do for you. What happened to someone who has your back, someone who is there to listen, someone who tells you truth even when you don't want to hear it, but does so in away that is not harmful to you. Someone who calls when you are down, is there when things are good as well as when they are bad. Does that even exist anymore? What you do for someone should never be the bases for your friendship.  However this is the trend I am noticing.

No one is perfect but I have always tried to be a good friend. Have I fallen short, yes! I am human. The more and more I look at my relationships the more and more I see that this people do not truly know me or care to know me and that hurts. Here is a good example.

About a year ago I found out that I have Keratoconus which is a degenerative eye disease. I told someone I consider one of my best friends and I was met with, "Oh okay". Not one bit of concern. When I got the information I was scared because I will loose my sight so I have to be placed on a Cornea Transplant Donor list. And I received not one bit of concern. Where do they do that at?

Where are those people who believe that friendship is something to cherish? Where are those who believe that true connections are to be fortified by mutual concern, mutual connection, mutual respect, and love. I guess that kind of friendship is a thing of the past!

I truly treasure those I can call on, the list is VERY small! Love you guys for loving me...

Everyone needs human contact and what better form of this is there than that of friendship?

Sitting Alone Thinking!

Everything has a time and a place. When you stop and think about where you are in life, there is a reason for that. You may not understand it but there is still a reason. So embrace it.

Today I am sitting at Bare Bulb Coffee House listening to some CeCe Winans and drinking a hot chocolate. I am content with where I am. Today and in life.

The last two weeks have been trying and at the same time eye opening. Have you every just looked up and asked God..."what is it that you are trying to tell me?" Well that has been my last two weeks. I have been unable to sleep and unable to function during the day. I have been physically present at work but not mentally present. I have struggled when I got home to do anything but lay down. But here is the kicker. I would lay down but would not sleep. So I laid down to marinate in my own thoughts and this is not always a good thing. My mind seems to work overtime about things that I have no control over so I placed my ear buds in my ears and listened to Daley and Jarle Bernhoft trying to keep my mind from wandering but no suck luck!

So then after 72 hours of not being able to sleep and struggling for those days; I have a conversation with a coworker who asked me what did I think God was trying to tell me and all I could say was, "I do not know and I haven't asked either". So I sat there for a minute asking myself what would He be trying to tell me. What am I doing that would be something that He would look down on or frown upon. I speak to God every night and I have noticed that my prayers are the same and though I am sincere I still feel as though I am going through the motions. I know that God knows my heart but that doesn't mean that I am doing what He wants me to do. I have asked Him to order my steps but I've felt like I am still in the same place now as I was before I asked this of Him. So what have I learned?

Well the day before yesterday I literally felt like the walls of my apartment were closing in on me. I looked up and asked out loud, "God what is it I am not learning and what is it that you want me to know". And in that still and quiet moment... a weight was lifted. Not sure how to explain it but I can truly say that I feel lighter. I was able to sleep that night and got a whole 8 hours sleep (something I rarely ever get) and now two days later I still in a coffee shop drinking a hot chocolate and feeling lighter and truly focused and blessed, I am still not sure what God has in store for me but I am sure that He is preparing me for something great.

I am forever a work in progress and sitting here listening to Pandora I know that God has a plan for me and I ready to receive whatever it is that he has for me. I am open to being used by Him. I have tried it my way and that has gotten me nowhere. So I'm giving it to Him.


Note
Five months since my last post and a lot has happened but I am still here and I will do better!