Sunday, May 25, 2014

Sitting Alone Thinking!

Everything has a time and a place. When you stop and think about where you are in life, there is a reason for that. You may not understand it but there is still a reason. So embrace it.

Today I am sitting at Bare Bulb Coffee House listening to some CeCe Winans and drinking a hot chocolate. I am content with where I am. Today and in life.

The last two weeks have been trying and at the same time eye opening. Have you every just looked up and asked God..."what is it that you are trying to tell me?" Well that has been my last two weeks. I have been unable to sleep and unable to function during the day. I have been physically present at work but not mentally present. I have struggled when I got home to do anything but lay down. But here is the kicker. I would lay down but would not sleep. So I laid down to marinate in my own thoughts and this is not always a good thing. My mind seems to work overtime about things that I have no control over so I placed my ear buds in my ears and listened to Daley and Jarle Bernhoft trying to keep my mind from wandering but no suck luck!

So then after 72 hours of not being able to sleep and struggling for those days; I have a conversation with a coworker who asked me what did I think God was trying to tell me and all I could say was, "I do not know and I haven't asked either". So I sat there for a minute asking myself what would He be trying to tell me. What am I doing that would be something that He would look down on or frown upon. I speak to God every night and I have noticed that my prayers are the same and though I am sincere I still feel as though I am going through the motions. I know that God knows my heart but that doesn't mean that I am doing what He wants me to do. I have asked Him to order my steps but I've felt like I am still in the same place now as I was before I asked this of Him. So what have I learned?

Well the day before yesterday I literally felt like the walls of my apartment were closing in on me. I looked up and asked out loud, "God what is it I am not learning and what is it that you want me to know". And in that still and quiet moment... a weight was lifted. Not sure how to explain it but I can truly say that I feel lighter. I was able to sleep that night and got a whole 8 hours sleep (something I rarely ever get) and now two days later I still in a coffee shop drinking a hot chocolate and feeling lighter and truly focused and blessed, I am still not sure what God has in store for me but I am sure that He is preparing me for something great.

I am forever a work in progress and sitting here listening to Pandora I know that God has a plan for me and I ready to receive whatever it is that he has for me. I am open to being used by Him. I have tried it my way and that has gotten me nowhere. So I'm giving it to Him.

Five months since my last post and a lot has happened but I am still here and I will do better!

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