Thursday, May 29, 2014

Chasing Life

What if you had lost your father and had to deal with a troubled sister, a young grandmother,and a mother who was failing at keeping it all together. Oh yeah on top of all that you just found out that you have Cancer. This is the premise for the new show Chasing Life, on ABC Family. Today I watched the sneak peek of the show and it made me think....what am I doing with my life?

There is so much that I want to do in the life and as I watched this show about a 24 year old woman I stay still and introspective as a 30 something woman who has not done what she wanted to do in life because she has been taking care of everyone else and has allowed life to pass her by. So now in the later part of her 30s she is trying to make sure that she lives the life that God has made available to her.

That book I want to write is within my power to write.
That trip that I want to take is within my power to take.
That man that I want is within my power to have.
That happiness that I deserve is within my power to have.
BUT HOW...and WHEN...will this process start????

Well the answer is now. I am going to start Chasing Life. In some ways I have already started and I will continue making decisions for MY well being. So in the event that I die tomorrow... I can say that I lived my life. Life is definitely worth chasing and it was made for living.

There is something in life that should make all of us want to chase it!
If you cannot think of anything you might want to rethink how you are living. You are definitely missing out!


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Friendship Is A Two Way Street

Friendship has always been important to me. As an Air force Brat I cherish my connections with those who I call friend. Those connections were fractured by the inevitable move that loomed on the horizon. Because of that I made sure to enjoy the moments that I shared with those I call friend. And I still do.

Now in my late 30's I see that most do not understand what true friendship is about. I was taught that you are to be the friend to others that you want them to be to you. Well that is what I have always done. But apparently that is not what everyone else believes.

Today's definition of friendship revolves around what someone else can do for you. What happened to someone who has your back, someone who is there to listen, someone who tells you truth even when you don't want to hear it, but does so in away that is not harmful to you. Someone who calls when you are down, is there when things are good as well as when they are bad. Does that even exist anymore? What you do for someone should never be the bases for your friendship.  However this is the trend I am noticing.

No one is perfect but I have always tried to be a good friend. Have I fallen short, yes! I am human. The more and more I look at my relationships the more and more I see that this people do not truly know me or care to know me and that hurts. Here is a good example.

About a year ago I found out that I have Keratoconus which is a degenerative eye disease. I told someone I consider one of my best friends and I was met with, "Oh okay". Not one bit of concern. When I got the information I was scared because I will loose my sight so I have to be placed on a Cornea Transplant Donor list. And I received not one bit of concern. Where do they do that at?

Where are those people who believe that friendship is something to cherish? Where are those who believe that true connections are to be fortified by mutual concern, mutual connection, mutual respect, and love. I guess that kind of friendship is a thing of the past!

I truly treasure those I can call on, the list is VERY small! Love you guys for loving me...

Everyone needs human contact and what better form of this is there than that of friendship?

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Sitting Alone Thinking!

Everything has a time and a place. When you stop and think about where you are in life, there is a reason for that. You may not understand it but there is still a reason. So embrace it.

Today I am sitting at Bare Bulb Coffee House listening to some CeCe Winans and drinking a hot chocolate. I am content with where I am. Today and in life.

The last two weeks have been trying and at the same time eye opening. Have you every just looked up and asked God..."what is it that you are trying to tell me?" Well that has been my last two weeks. I have been unable to sleep and unable to function during the day. I have been physically present at work but not mentally present. I have struggled when I got home to do anything but lay down. But here is the kicker. I would lay down but would not sleep. So I laid down to marinate in my own thoughts and this is not always a good thing. My mind seems to work overtime about things that I have no control over so I placed my ear buds in my ears and listened to Daley and Jarle Bernhoft trying to keep my mind from wandering but no suck luck!

So then after 72 hours of not being able to sleep and struggling for those days; I have a conversation with a coworker who asked me what did I think God was trying to tell me and all I could say was, "I do not know and I haven't asked either". So I sat there for a minute asking myself what would He be trying to tell me. What am I doing that would be something that He would look down on or frown upon. I speak to God every night and I have noticed that my prayers are the same and though I am sincere I still feel as though I am going through the motions. I know that God knows my heart but that doesn't mean that I am doing what He wants me to do. I have asked Him to order my steps but I've felt like I am still in the same place now as I was before I asked this of Him. So what have I learned?

Well the day before yesterday I literally felt like the walls of my apartment were closing in on me. I looked up and asked out loud, "God what is it I am not learning and what is it that you want me to know". And in that still and quiet moment... a weight was lifted. Not sure how to explain it but I can truly say that I feel lighter. I was able to sleep that night and got a whole 8 hours sleep (something I rarely ever get) and now two days later I still in a coffee shop drinking a hot chocolate and feeling lighter and truly focused and blessed, I am still not sure what God has in store for me but I am sure that He is preparing me for something great.

I am forever a work in progress and sitting here listening to Pandora I know that God has a plan for me and I ready to receive whatever it is that he has for me. I am open to being used by Him. I have tried it my way and that has gotten me nowhere. So I'm giving it to Him.

Five months since my last post and a lot has happened but I am still here and I will do better!