I Am Going To Try....

I am going to try something for the month of August. I am going to try and post a Blog every Thursday. I do not know if this is possible but I am going to definitely try. I am sure that no one really reads this (laffin, but totally okay with it) so I am going to just write about what is on my heart and running around my head... This should be very interesting...

Have an awesome day all!

Dueces \/
Quiche'

What's Love Got to Do With It?

About 19 years ago in a chat room on a collegiate chat system called ISCA, I connected with a guy who became one of my best friends, one of my confidants and one of my sounding boards. He got me when others did not want to take the time. In a way he was safe. He was at Georgia Tech while I was at Georgia Southern (4 hours between us) but we could talk every day and we did.

Fast forward three years, I am graduating from Southern and he is making his mark in the engineering field. We still talk weekly and keep each other informed. He has met someone and is happy and I too am dating someone and am happy. We are aware of the connection that we have however it is a mute point as we are a such good friends.

Fast forward 13 years and Facebook and Twitter are connecting everyone and of course we are connected through social media. He is my friend on all the sites so we keep up with each other via the internet. He checks on me from time to time and I check on him from time to time. But we are both still in relationships.

Then in the year 2011 everything seems to change. My relationship is on its last leg and his marriage is not going well. In October of 2012 I ended my engagement and in 2013 his divorce was final. But we were still just amazing friends. And though the door was open for something to change we did not allow it to. He dated someone and I too started dating someone very seriously.

Enter 2014. We were both single and not looking so we flirted via Facebook and text but nothing came of it because of our friendship. Then the end of 2014 rolls around and something just seems right this time. He asks me if I am ready to take that journey with him and without hesitation (and I always hesitate) I say, "Yes". He tells me one day in December that he loves me and without hesitation I respond with " I love you too". And after taking a few steps back I had to asks myself... when did this happened? When did I fall IN LOVE with my best friend? It is not a new feeling, it was like a switch went off. He was there and everything felt right.  For those of you who know me, you know that I pray my way to and through things. And I asked God to show me if this is where I am supposed to be and is he who I am supposed to be with. God keeps sending me to him and him to me.

So the answer to the title of this blog... what's love got to do with it... apparently 19 years of preparation, friendship and love leads to friendship, happiness and even more love. So love has EVERYTHING to do with it and as I type this I can say that I am smiling because God has sent me the man he wants me to have. The one created just for me.

Ill keep you posted!

\/ Blogville

Get Out of the Way

Are we standing in our own way? Are we blocking our blessings? What do we think this world is going to do for us? I have recently begun to sit still for about 10 or 20 minutes a day and then when I am done I write a list of what was running through my head. It has been enlightening. If you are wondering where I got that idea, I want to claim it as my own but one of my therapist friends explained that the mind is a powerful thing and that we need to listen to it some times. We are too busy trying to figure out our next move. So I digress....once you write it down for a week go back and read it. Those things that are reoccurring, you need to address those.

For me it was my spirituality, my financial situation, and my health. I think that this had been at the front of mind for a long time but I am the Queen of procrastination and can find a reason to put off most things. But it has not served me well at all. So onward and upward. 

I have gotten away from things that I love so I am slowly getting back to me and that is a good feeling. The last month has allow me some valuable insight. It is funny what will happen when you let go and let God. We serious effect the effectiveness of our blessings. We tend to be more consumed about acquiring things then fulfilling our purpose here.  What is even more upsetting is when you know what you are called to do but doing it seems so far out of your reach, But is it really? OR are you just not willing to step out of your comfort zone. That was my answer so what to do? GET OUT of the WAY of your blessings and take a chance on God's vision for you. 

I am blessed to be connected to all the right people and know enough people accomplish what I want. So that is what I am working on. But to get there I literally had to GET OUT of my own WAY. There is a time when you have to realize that we can be our own worst enemy and that we have to stop sabotaging ourselves. So that is what I am requiring of myself and maybe you can require of yourself. 

God makes no mistakes so we were all placed here for a reason. We all have something we are supposed to leave this world with. So lets make our positive mark on this planet. Whatever that means for you! 

So take that 10 to 20 minutes of stillness, every day for a week. Every day, write down what was in your mind for that time. After a week review what you have written and then ask yourself....what do I need to change and what do I need to focus on. And you can repeat it as often as you choose. It is helpful when you are looking to focus or refocus your next move. 

That being said... I have some things I need to do. So working on those now and I going into the New Year working on some great ideas. Some are goals from years ago that have never been completed but are still goals and other are new. But this is what I was put here to do.... So lets go...I am on my way now that I have gotten OUT of my own WAY! 

So........Move! 

\/ Blogsville 

I Came, I Messed Up, I Learned! #imdone

I am far from perfect. I have done a lot in my life that I am not proud of. But with age comes wisdom. I have come up short in a lot of areas, even in my friendships. In the end I have learned from the past and have made strides to make up for my wrong, for my missteps, my lies, my faults. And by the grace of God I have emerged a better person. I had a conversation with my brother-in-law yesterday that made so much sense. He said, "We all mess up. Owning your mess and getting up from it is what shows our growth", I will be forty in a couple of years and that conversation allowed for a cathartic and epiphanic moment where this is what I took from it...

I cannot change how anyone feels about me. Especially if I do not know what I did to incite their disdain. If I leave here tomorrow there are people who will care and there are those who will not. No matter what you do for someone they still will find a reason to dislike you. Everyone does not what to see you win. Happiness is not dependent on other people but dependent on how you let other effect you.

So in the end ... I live today for me and if I am blessed to see tomorrow, I’ll live tomorrow for me also. My God will handle the rest. #imdone

Hold on to those Who hold on to You!

Some things just do not need to be said! Most do not deserve a response. And then there are those that do not deserve repeating.

We all have that person in our lives that we tell everything to and then there are those that we know we cannot tell anything to. The older I get the more I learn that there are just some things that do not need to be said or repeated.

I am no longer 17 or 20 or even 35 years old... so why put energy into what he or she said about you? I am a pretty good judge of character and I can say that I know who I can trust with what information and those who are simply smiling in my face. I know those who sit in closed doors and talk about me like a dog and then tell people that I suck at what I do and then tell me to my face that I am great at what I do. I am not oblivious. But these are the people you pray for and allow God to work on them. God said He would make your enemies your footstools. So just wait on Him to intervene.

Now that I am almost 40 (2.5 years to go) I can count those I truly trust on ONE hand and I still have fingers left. Sad but true. So when I hear songs like "No New Friends" I have to laugh because without my New Friends, I might not have any friends at all.

So after 30 something years of interacting with the world I can say that I have made some substantial connections. I know a lot of people. However I do not call all of those people friend. There are that group that have transcended the friend stage and have become like family (F.A.M) and the know who they are and they have always treated me in kind.

So in the end the lesson I have learned and I now pass on to others is that everyone who enters your life is not meant to stay. Not everyone who enters your life is meant to be called friend. There are those who you just hangout with and there are those who you travel with. Then there are those you know will be there when you fall, when you fail, and your forget! The last group is the group you hold on to!

\/ out

Chasing Life

What if you had lost your father and had to deal with a troubled sister, a young grandmother,and a mother who was failing at keeping it all together. Oh yeah on top of all that you just found out that you have Cancer. This is the premise for the new show Chasing Life, on ABC Family. Today I watched the sneak peek of the show and it made me think....what am I doing with my life?

There is so much that I want to do in the life and as I watched this show about a 24 year old woman I stay still and introspective as a 30 something woman who has not done what she wanted to do in life because she has been taking care of everyone else and has allowed life to pass her by. So now in the later part of her 30s she is trying to make sure that she lives the life that God has made available to her.

That book I want to write is within my power to write.
That trip that I want to take is within my power to take.
That man that I want is within my power to have.
That happiness that I deserve is within my power to have.
BUT HOW...and WHEN...will this process start????

Well the answer is now. I am going to start Chasing Life. In some ways I have already started and I will continue making decisions for MY well being. So in the event that I die tomorrow... I can say that I lived my life. Life is definitely worth chasing and it was made for living.

There is something in life that should make all of us want to chase it!
If you cannot think of anything you might want to rethink how you are living. You are definitely missing out!

\/out

Friendship Is A Two Way Street

Friendship has always been important to me. As an Air force Brat I cherish my connections with those who I call friend. Those connections were fractured by the inevitable move that loomed on the horizon. Because of that I made sure to enjoy the moments that I shared with those I call friend. And I still do.

Now in my late 30's I see that most do not understand what true friendship is about. I was taught that you are to be the friend to others that you want them to be to you. Well that is what I have always done. But apparently that is not what everyone else believes.

Today's definition of friendship revolves around what someone else can do for you. What happened to someone who has your back, someone who is there to listen, someone who tells you truth even when you don't want to hear it, but does so in away that is not harmful to you. Someone who calls when you are down, is there when things are good as well as when they are bad. Does that even exist anymore? What you do for someone should never be the bases for your friendship.  However this is the trend I am noticing.

No one is perfect but I have always tried to be a good friend. Have I fallen short, yes! I am human. The more and more I look at my relationships the more and more I see that this people do not truly know me or care to know me and that hurts. Here is a good example.

About a year ago I found out that I have Keratoconus which is a degenerative eye disease. I told someone I consider one of my best friends and I was met with, "Oh okay". Not one bit of concern. When I got the information I was scared because I will loose my sight so I have to be placed on a Cornea Transplant Donor list. And I received not one bit of concern. Where do they do that at?

Where are those people who believe that friendship is something to cherish? Where are those who believe that true connections are to be fortified by mutual concern, mutual connection, mutual respect, and love. I guess that kind of friendship is a thing of the past!

I truly treasure those I can call on, the list is VERY small! Love you guys for loving me...

Everyone needs human contact and what better form of this is there than that of friendship?

Sitting Alone Thinking!

Everything has a time and a place. When you stop and think about where you are in life, there is a reason for that. You may not understand it but there is still a reason. So embrace it.

Today I am sitting at Bare Bulb Coffee House listening to some CeCe Winans and drinking a hot chocolate. I am content with where I am. Today and in life.

The last two weeks have been trying and at the same time eye opening. Have you every just looked up and asked God..."what is it that you are trying to tell me?" Well that has been my last two weeks. I have been unable to sleep and unable to function during the day. I have been physically present at work but not mentally present. I have struggled when I got home to do anything but lay down. But here is the kicker. I would lay down but would not sleep. So I laid down to marinate in my own thoughts and this is not always a good thing. My mind seems to work overtime about things that I have no control over so I placed my ear buds in my ears and listened to Daley and Jarle Bernhoft trying to keep my mind from wandering but no suck luck!

So then after 72 hours of not being able to sleep and struggling for those days; I have a conversation with a coworker who asked me what did I think God was trying to tell me and all I could say was, "I do not know and I haven't asked either". So I sat there for a minute asking myself what would He be trying to tell me. What am I doing that would be something that He would look down on or frown upon. I speak to God every night and I have noticed that my prayers are the same and though I am sincere I still feel as though I am going through the motions. I know that God knows my heart but that doesn't mean that I am doing what He wants me to do. I have asked Him to order my steps but I've felt like I am still in the same place now as I was before I asked this of Him. So what have I learned?

Well the day before yesterday I literally felt like the walls of my apartment were closing in on me. I looked up and asked out loud, "God what is it I am not learning and what is it that you want me to know". And in that still and quiet moment... a weight was lifted. Not sure how to explain it but I can truly say that I feel lighter. I was able to sleep that night and got a whole 8 hours sleep (something I rarely ever get) and now two days later I still in a coffee shop drinking a hot chocolate and feeling lighter and truly focused and blessed, I am still not sure what God has in store for me but I am sure that He is preparing me for something great.

I am forever a work in progress and sitting here listening to Pandora I know that God has a plan for me and I ready to receive whatever it is that he has for me. I am open to being used by Him. I have tried it my way and that has gotten me nowhere. So I'm giving it to Him.


Note
Five months since my last post and a lot has happened but I am still here and I will do better!

Now He Wants To Speak

Today I went to out for a drink…well really for some good music. I put on some tight black pants, a form fitting sweater and some black boots and went out to enjoy some time by myself.

I sat down and the bartender came to give me a hug. Before you ask, the bartender is my friend Chris. So after I get a nice Martini I take a sit at my table. I wouldn’t call myself a regular but I know a few people in the space.

I get a few looks as I make my way to my seat and it is always nice to know that you are still attractive to the male gender. The band started playing a nice jazz melody and I take it all in.

Chris bring me a drink and said, “hey there is a dude at the bar who wanted you to have this”. Chris brought me an Amaretto Sour, my favorite. Few people know about my preference so whoever sent the drink had to know me. Chris said the guy said he knew me but hadn’t seen me in years. Just so you know... I know a lot of people. But call only a few of them friend. And I don’t break bread with people I do not like or consider friends. So whoever this was had to know me well. I told Chris to tell him thank you and I continued to enjoy the music.

About ten minutes passed and a man approached my table. When I looked up I felt a wave of anger roll over me.

For you to understand this I would have to give you a little background. About 22 years ago I met this guy through my brother named *Alex. Well Alex and I became very close. I mean we hung out everyday, talked books, music, and future plans. We went to college and lost touch. Then reunited when he dropped out of school and came home. I used to come home from college and hangout with him at his apartment. We had a strange yet very strong connection that could have been seen as an attraction. We had one thing that we never did. We never left each other without giving the other a hug. It was our thing.

So one weekend I came home and stopped by the apartment and a girl answered the door. I asked if Alex was there and he came out of the room. When he saw me he looked surprised and his gaze shot to the floor. The girl who answered the door said, “Baby you have a visitor”. He asked me in and introduced me to his girlfriend *Michelle. I sat on the couch thinking, “I can’t be mad, we were never dating, we are just friends”. After about 30 minutes of Michelle marking her territory with every statement. I told Michelle it was nice to meet her and I exited stage left. He followed me out to the car and spun me around and said, “I am so sorry”. My reply was a simple, “be happy”. I got in my car and drove to my parents house. It was the first time in all the time we had known each other that we had left each other without giving the other a hug.

I didn’t speak or hear from Alex again for almost 9 years when he and his daughter showed up at my brothers house. He entered the house and walked to me and gave me a hug just like no time had passed. It was a nice feeling. We exchanged numbers and promised to keep in touch. And we did, sporadically.

Fast forward 5 years later. Alex is married and I am engaged. Neither of us is happy and Facebook makes it easy for us to connect daily. So we start talking about any and everything; just like we had done in the earlier years. He told about his marriage and how it was something he never should have done and I told him that my fiancee was not going to marry me yet I was staying like a fool (that is a story for another blog). Then he said three things that changed everything…. (1) he was moving back to town and (2) he was in love with me, had always been and wanted to see where it could go when he came home, oh yeah (3) he was getting a divorce. Oh yeah...just to let you know my fiancee and I were just roommates by this point!

So fast forward a year and a lot of conversations via Facebook and phone where he professes his love for me, tells me that he was always attracted to me but never knew how to approach the subject or if he wanted to risk our connection and friendship. This all lead up to the day he walked into my brother’s apartment, past everyone, straight to my arms and plants a long sweet kiss on me.

Usually this would be the part where I tell you that we had a great night that lead to us failing deeper in love and living happily ever after…..NOT!!!! I could tell you that but I would be lying. What actually happened was that after that night I helped him move, helped him get his divorce finalized and help him get joint custody of his daughter than one day he said, “I’ll call you on Sunday so we can go to dinner”….. I hadn’t heard from him since, until this moment. It had been about three years since that statement and now he stood before me….with a wedding ring on his finger. REALLY?????

“Can I sit down”, he asked. “Why?”, I responded.

“I just want to talk to you”, he stated. “Why?”, I responded again.

“I want to apologize”, he replied, “Why?”, I responded one more time.

He sat.

He dropped his head and explained that he was a coward and was ashamed of how he used me as a rebound to get through what was going on with he and Michelle. He explained, “I have always been attracted to you and wanted to come home to that comfort and how you always took care of me. But when I got here and finally got the divorce I just wanted to be unattached and I didn’t know how to tell you that without feeling like I had led you on, so I just didn’t say anything”. I sat sipping on the drink he had sent me lamenting on what I was going to say when he was finished and thinking at the same time, “damn this man is sexy”. He went on for fifteen minutes about how he was now married to a great woman and that he missed me as a friend. After he finished his spill he asked if I had any questions or wanted to say anything. I responded by saying, “be happy” and turned to be continue to listen to the music.

He asked me to look at him and he continued, “I just want us to be friends and I know that it might take some time for you to forgive me but I am willing to wait”. I finished my drink and looked him in those beautiful light brown eyes and said, “We are not friends. Friends don’t do to each other what you did to me. I was apparently disposable in your life and that is okay. I pray that you are happy and that everything continues to fall into place. But all I can wish you is happiness and a great life; but I will not be a part of it. You saw to that”. I then got up to walk away. He got up and grabbed my arm and said, “I am so sorry”. I looked at him and said, “Yes you are, have a good life”. I broke the hold and walked toward to bar. 

When I got to the bar I asked Chris, “is he gone?” Chris confirmed that he was. I told Chris the story of who Alex was to me. His response was, “oh now you want to speak? I think not”. My sentiments exactly Chris.

Funny how life works out sometimes. But you can only play the fool for so long before you just let those who keep you in that space, go. Alex and I have some serious history and I will cherish the moments we have that are ours and ours alone. But that is where it ends.

The music fade out as I walked to my car, Sentimental Mood, plays….how apropos…one of our favorite song.

THE ALEX CHAPTER IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED!

*Name was changed

December

The End & The Beginning....

I have always those loved the month of December.

When I was growing up my grandmother (special hello to Glory T, my Nana) would always tell me that December was the month of Reflection and Renewal. I truly did not understand that until I was about 20 years old.

December is the month that you are offered the opportunity to look back at the other eleven and see what you have learned and what you still haven’t quite grasped yet. Hopefully you will make the necessary adjustments so that the next year you are making progress not still standing where you are now.

I have never really made New Years Resolutions but I have made Necessary Changes Lists (NCL). This year was no different and again I have fallen short of a lot of what was on my list. I am proud that I accomplished some of my goals. So in the next year I have some things I need to tweek and other things I just need to do. Procrastination is the enemy of accomplishment and I have allowed Mr. Procras (yeah that is procrastination’s name) to derail Ms. Success, just like a man! *laughing* no seriously, I have and will do better.

So as this year comes to an end I will do what my Nana always tells me, “Take what is good in this year and apply it to the next. Take what did not work and change it. And those things that could have worked had you actually attempted them… Go for it!”.

So I own my mistakes…

So I recognize my faults, flaws, and failures…

So I celebrate my accomplishments…

So I pray for guidance…

So I ask for understanding…

So I am thankful for my blessings (Family, Friends, Health & Wealth)

So I go into 2014 with anticipation, with old and new goals and with the determination to make the best of every day that the Lord blesses me. Drafting my NCL in my head as I am typing this.

How will you exit this year and enter 2014….how will you end and begin again????

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

30 Days of Thankfulness

For the last three years my Facebook friends and I have taken the month of November and focused on how thankful we are for things in our lives. This year was no different. And yesterday I was re-reading what I was thankful for and it was interesting to me that I have said the same things every year. Which means that God continues to sustain, bless, fortify and allow His grace to cover me.

Trials and strife are necessary for us to look up and call His name. He has to remind us that without Him. nothing is possible. We are a comfortable people. When things are good we choose to take the credit for all that is right with our world and we forget that He brought us though so that we could tell the next person of His power, grace and mercy. But most of us, myself included, come through and say a quiet “God brought me through” when we should be screaming it. You know screaming like you are at a sporting event or a concert…you know how you get all excited about getting a gift and scream when you are surprised… that is the raw emotion that God deserves.

The word (that is the Bible for those who don’t know) says, “ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” James 4:3 (NIV). God asks you to come to Him with an open mind, a willing spirit, and a malleable heart; the rest He will handle.

When you are going through… Call on Him!

When you are getting everything you want… Call on Him!

As this year comes to a close I think I am most thankful for the ability to call on Him! Because without Him I would not have had 30 days of thankfulness!

Quiche Out \/ 

Like Minded People

...Birth of Great Ideas

When you get to have a conversation with people who understand you it is nice that you do not have to explain yourself over and over again. When you find like-minded people it is so refreshing.

For those of you who do not know I am a social worker by trade and by blessing. I was blessed to stumble into the profession and find my purpose in my work. Basically I found my niche. I love helping people, especially children. But to do this it truly takes a village.

So when I first started in the field I made it my business to forge as many meaningful relationships and connections as I could. And that practice has served me well. (Thanks Daddy for that lesson early in life). I can honestly pick up the phone and contact someone to help those in need. It is a good feeling to help.

Today I had a conversation with a clinician friend and another friend from the Department of Juvenile Justice about the state of our youth. I now work as a liaison with the court system and have been promoted to Program Administrator. In the New Year I am looking to start programs and make sure that the children and their families in this county have what they need to succeed. That is if they want it.

We brainstormed on how we could positively affect outcomes for families and children if we got into the homes to help not dictate. Most families in crisis do not want to be told what they are doing wrong. However they are open to changing the things that do not work. See how I did that? I just said the same things, two different ways and one of them was not condescending or hurtful. It’s all about how you approach and interact with these families. You have to meet them where they are not where you want them to be.

So today a simple conversation with likeminded people gave birth to numerous ideas about how things can be done to make sure that those who want the help can access the help.

So here we go…. I will keep you posted on how this all places out…

Gooday Blogville

I Want 2 B a Mom!

 Today I received paperwork from an Adoption agency.

Yes, I inquired about the possibility of me being an adoptive parent. I would love to be a mother, in the true sense of the word.

I have been blessed to have stepped into the role for those whose children were placed in foster care. I remain connected to my kids but it’s not the same as nurturing a child that you call your own. Someone I can love, someone that loves me back, someone whose personality I have a hand in molding, someone God has seen fit to allow me to share space and time with.

Right now you are asking why I have not had kids of my own, or maybe you are assuming that I cannot have children. Well first off you all need to stop assuming...you make and ass of out of you...not me. But if you must know, yes I am able to have children. I have had all the tests and the doctors said it would be harder but I can still bare children. So why do I not have children, I guess the best answer is that God has not seen fit to allow me to get pregnant. I could say it wasn’t me and it was my ex’s issue but there is no reason to speculate. or speak about old relationships and his lack or...oh I'm sorry I got lost in that thought. So I am going to say, maybe God just didn’t think it would be right to bring a child into a relationship that He knew wasn’t going to work. But I digress.

I never saw my life without children. My parents would love to grandparents, my sister would love to be an aunt, my grandmother would love to see a great-grandchild and I would love to continue my family name. But it hasn’t happened yet.  Now in my mid 30’s, I am looking for that fulfillment and that connection with a child. I want to share the Love that God has placed in me. Because of my profession I am aware that there are a lot of children out there that are in need of a great family. Though it is just me I can truly love a child for two people.

So I have a telephone interview with the agency in January. Got some things to work on between now and then and then I will be on track to make something happen. Make something great happen in my life and in the life of the child that God is looking to bless me with.

I have been praying that the Lord blesses me with a child and also with a great guy to round out my family.  I have all the faith in the world that God will show up and show out. He said, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened” Matthew 7:7.

Just like anyone else who wants a child, I am terrified to be a parent; especially in this day and time. But I am giving it to God because He has the power to make things happen in my life. So I am giving it all to GOD!

I’ll keep you posted and I ask you to keep me in your prayers.

Peace Blogville

Quiche

 

 

 

 

Doing Pretty Good!

Goodday BlogVille,

I have been doing pretty good with all the changes in my life.

Not all the news has been good news but I will cover that in another blog post. Today is about focusing on the good things that have happened in my life in the last three months,

So I hold on to the fact that I have lost 11 pounds and continue to workout to get to my goal of 25 by Christmas.

I have started school and as of right now am holding on to my 4.0 grade point average... Yes, I have only completed one class but I am still holding on to that as a positive (Small Wins!!).

Was ecstatic that I got to hangout with my Bridgeforth family in Memphis and St. Louis. Got the opportunity to see my Aunt and cousins who I haven't seen in almost 20 years. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!  And we should never let time go that long without seeing each other. Thankful for Facebook, that it has allowed us to connect on a daily basis and remain connected now. In 2009, I started a Facebook page called the The Bridgeforth Family. This has allowed me to find aunts and uncles that I didn't know about. Apparently my grandfather and great uncles were rolling stones and have kids in other area codes. But hey that just makes my family larger. We are at 274 members right now and growing.

I have two more things to accomplish this year... start rebuilding my credit and plan a great getaway.

So again, I think I am doing pretty good... with the help, the Grace, and the blessing of an awesome God...I am still standing and here to make the next day count. Have a struggled...shoot I am struggling right now... but all is well with the world because I know that God's got my back and my struggle is temporary and His Grace is sufficient.

Be easy BlogVille... see on the flipside!
Quiche'

Slow Progress and the New Motivation

There has been very slow progress in my weight lose journey. And that is completely my fault. No excuses here. I just have to do better. So I got up and meditated on the fact that without the right thought process I will continue to be stagnated and not accomplish anything. 

So I went out and paid money for a dress that is two sizes too small and somewhat form fitting so it will tell on me if I don't complete my goal. What goal you ask? 

GOAL: Well the goal is to lose 25 pounds by Christmas. That is exactly 5 months away. I have lost and maintained a 25 pound weight loss before and I am now attempting the next 25. 

ULTIMATE GOAL: The ultimate goal is 75 pounds; which will put me at my ideal weight. Please don't get it wrong. I am happy in my skin. But I just want a little less skin. 

THE PLAN: So what is the plan? The plan is to get back on my workouts and my eating habits. August 1st I begin a Workout and Eating Clean Challenge along with a group of friends (Hey #TeamFIT)...gotta have that accountability partner. I am actively using the My Fitness Pal application on my phone to count my calorie intake.My calorie intake for a day is 1300...so I have to watch what I eat. I have challenged myself to working out five days... and will work to actually go everyday. I will continue to take part in the Black Girls Run! Challenges and try my darnedest to make it to some of their weekly runs. I will take a least two aerobics classes at the gym per month. (SN: I don't like people watching me when I am working out... so this is a big step). The big hurdle is going to be the food. I am an convenience eater. I eat whats handy and whats quick. With this challenge I will have to prepare for meals and not do what is convenient but do what is healthy.

So I am starting this week trying to get my head right for next week. On Sunday, July 21, I completed the Running Nerds Virtual Marathon & 5K Treadmill Challenge. And actually PR'd (that mean "Personal Record" for you non-runners) at 49 min &.45 sec on the Treadmill. 

Now if I can only get that to translate to pavement. 

Its completely different animal... one that I have not tamed yet. 

So with this new found motivation I am all gong-ho to tackle my weight and also focus on finding things that add to my happiness. So I will continue to work on Preserving My Sexy!! 

WHO IS WITH ME?????

*PICKS UP GYM BAG AND HEADS TO THE GYM*

#bridgeFit13

"Retrospective: In the Wake of the Deaths of 3 Young Men" (VIDEO)

The conversation, the argument, the debate, the opposition continues..... in regards to the country's disbelief and for some the justified acquittal of George Zimmerman.

As we approach the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington (August 28, 1963)... "King's speech remains one of the most famous speeches in American history. He started with prepared remarks, saying he was there to "cash a check" for "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness," while warning fellow protesters not to "allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force." But then he departed from his script, shifting into the "I have a dream" theme he'd used on prior occasions, drawing on both "the American dream" and religious themes, speaking of an America where his children "will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." He followed this with an exhortation to "let freedom ring" across the nation, and concluded with:

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last."

And the marching continues for the things that Rev. King dreamed of on that hopeful day in 1963.

Omar Hardwick, actor and spoken word artist penned this poem in response to tragic death of Trayvon Martin.

                        "Little Black Boys Wonder" by Omar Hardwick  

And though they are not mentioned by name it also touches on the lives, experiences, and deaths of Darius Simmons (13); Jordan Davis (17) and Oscar Grant (22) ...all black young men.

                                                              Jordan Davis                                                            

    

  Darius Simmons

              "Fruitvale Station: Oscar Grant" Dir. Ryan Coogler                

  The Real Oscar Grant

                                                  

All of those who pulled the trigger and ended the lives of these young men all claim to have been in fear of their lives. Well if that is the rationale, than I, as a black woman, can believe that all young white men with clean shaved heads mean me harm. No that doesn't make sense and neither does the justification given for the deaths of these young men.  

The African American or black community is very aware of the ills of our community. We are conscious of the epidemic of blacks killing other blacks. We are aware of the number of unwed pregnancies and homes headed by women. We are aware that we have more black men in jail than we do in college. We are aware that we are disproportionately represented in the welfare discussion. We understand that gang violence is a part of our community. We understand that we still practice the crab in a barrel mentality. And we know that we can be our own worst enemy. 

And we also know that we understand struggle because we have been struggling for over 400 years. First for freedom. Then for our humanity; to be consider human, not as cattle or property. Then for the right for literacy and knowledge, aka Brown vs. Board of Education (1954). Then for the right to be take part in a country that boasts about its dream and the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The fights continued to vote in such a country aka (15th Amendment) The Voters Right Act of 1965. And the struggle continues because Affirmative Action was enacted in 1961 and is still necessary today in 2013. 

We are aware of our contributions and the double standards that will forever be present. We also know that we created and invented half of things that make this world go around. We know that a black man perfected the technique used to end the rising death toll of babies knows as blue babies. We know that single mothers have raised amazing people, both men and women. We understand that until the late 1800's it was illegal for blacks to read and now they are CEOs and CFOs of Fortune 500 companies. We know that a society scared of a the power of the black man's spirit has sought to hold him down and now a black man sits in the White House. We know that if the numbers were actually pulled that there are more whites on welfare than blacks. We understand that white gangs have been around forever however they are considered political or civic organizations such as the KKK, the Aryan Nation, and the Tea Party; so we understand the double standard. However we still remain proud. Proud of what you may ask....

I am proud of my great grandfather who was born into slavery but died a landowner. I am proud that my history is one of overcoming and not one of settling and being complacent.  I am proud that my family builds on what those who came before us sacrificed for and continue to pass that down. I am proud of the W.E.B Dubois' of the world, the Martin Luther Kings, the Malcolm X's, the Medgar Evers, the Harriett Tubmans, the Sojourner Truth. We stand on their shoulders... and live, by the grace of God, to continue the fight and make our positive mark on this society. 

We are all not the stereotype that you have in your head... stop judging us...especially if you do not know us.

References: 50^th Anniversary Official Site http://50thanniversarymarchonwashington.com/

RUNNER'S SOLIDARITY 4.15.13

On 4.15.13 the craziness that is hatred was seen again, here on United States soil; this time at the Finish Line of the Annual Boston Marathon. An event that is coveted as one of the big races for runners was in full swing when out of nowhere a blast punctuated the race and the lives of three people and left others limbless and shattered in other ways.

This egregious action effected the world and connected those in the running community. Some of us walk, some jog, some run, and some sprint but we all move... and in solidarity for those who didn't get to finish the running community in Georgia (Atlanta and surrounding counties) came together to make it known that, not only were those in Boston touch by this event.. WE ALL WERE!!! The event was spearheaded by Big Peach Running Co. and including the ladies of the Atlanta Chapters of Black Girls Run. 

I challenge, ask, and hope you will go out and run/walk/jog 26.2 or 2.62 miles, participate for 26.2 minutes of activity.

Send up a prayer before and after your activity for those who lost their lives and those who were wounded.

Remember that even in the midst of all this turmoil and angst, God is still in charge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RECIPE: Summer Vegetable-tian

Ingredients: 

olive oil
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 tsp minced garlic
1 medium yellow squash
1 medium zucchini
1 medium russet potato
2 medium red potatoes
1 large tomato
dried thyme
salt & pepper
1 cup shredded Italian blend cheese

Directions: 

Preheat oven to 400°.  Spray 8″ round or square baking dish with non-stick spray.  Saute onion and garlic in olive oil.  Thinly slice all the vegetables (I cut the tomato slices in half to have twice as many).  Lightly sprinkle all veggies with olive oil and sprinkle with thyme, salt and pepper.  Place vegetables in the baking dish vertically, in alternating pattern.  Sprinkle onion and garlic over vegetables.  Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes.  Remove foil, sprinkle cheese over top and bake for another 15 minutes or until cheese is golden brown.

RECIPE: Bacon Wrapped, Cream Cheese Stuffed Chicken Breasts

INGREDIENTS:

1 boneless skinless chicken breast
2 tablespoons cream cheese
1 tablespoon green onion, Chopped
2 pieces bacon, Partially Cooked

You can sub turkey bacon for the bacon, and a low fat cream cheese to make this healthier !!

DIRECTIONS:

Pound out Chicken breast so it is about 1/4" thick.

Mix together cream cheese and green onions and spread cheese mixture over 1 side of chicken breast.

Roll CHicken breast up to conseal cream cheese.

Wrap partially cooked bacon around chicken breast and secure with toothpick.

Plase on baking sheet and back for about 30 minutes at 375.

Broil for about 5 minute to crisp bacon.

PIZZA IS ALWAYS GOOD FOR YOU!!

THIN-CRUST PIZZA BY JESS Check out more great recipes at "RUN WITH JESS"
INGREDIENTS Flatout Flatbread (Multi-grain w/Flax) Ragu Pizza Sauce (Homemade style) Finely shredded Mozzarella Cheese Hormel Turkey Pepperoni Chopped Red Onion Diced Fresh Roma Tomato Fresh Spinach Leaves • Preheat oven to 425˚.  Line a cookie sheet with tin foil (helps make the crust crispy). • Spread 1/4 cup pizza sauce onto flatbread.   • Measure out 1/3 cup mozzarella cheese. Sprinkle half of it onto of sauce. • Top the pizza with 9 slices of turkey pepperoni, a heaping tablespoon of red onion, a handful of diced tomato, and a healthy handful of spinach leaves (I rip them up into smaller pieces). • Finally top with the remaining mozzarella cheese.  

I let the kids use regular pepperoni and more cheese.
In this one, it looks like I sprinkled on a little cheddar too.

• Bake in oven at 425˚ for about 10 minutes.  Keep an eye on it - I usually don't time it, just pull it out when the sides are crispy and top starts to golden.

• Cool, cut and serve with the side dish of your choice.Like a nice salad!!